{"title":"Products","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"cat-performance-review-personalized-cat-t-shirt","title":"Your Cat's Underwhelming Performance Review - Personalized T-Shirt.","description":"\u003cp data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour cat has been underwhelming for years. This review is long overdue.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIntroducing the Cat Performance Review: an official assessment of your cat's questionable contributions to the household.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou provide the evidence. We'll put it on a shirt.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBUILD YOUR CAT'S PERFORMANCE REVIEW\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-spread=\"false\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUpload a mugshot.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Preferably looking off-putting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eName the accused.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Let's make this official.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDocument five offenses.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e The more personal and ridiculous, the better.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd your comments.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Tell us how this ungrateful freeloader has made your life miserable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNEED INSPIRATION?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere are a few documented offenses from people who probably should have gotten a dog.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-spread=\"false\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e18 years. Still freeloading.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSound asleep. Bit big toe. Unprovoked.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRuined Christmas.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e4 AM. Screamed for food. Left.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHates dogs. Hates people. Hates me.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBackyard bird graveyard.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePissed in my suitcase.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClawed Grandma's antique chair.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eKnocked over Grandma's urn.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePuked in my favorite shoes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTried to murder the vet.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWoke me up. Went to sleep.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDestroyed the $900 sofa.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBrought a mouse to bed.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDemanded food. Rejected it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBorrow these, modify them, or document your cat's own extensive criminal history. Shorter offenses generally print larger, so brevity is encouraged.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eADDITIONAL COMMENTS: THE FULL STORY\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNeed to get something off your chest? Here's an example:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLast year, I spent $1,800 having a veterinarian explain that my cat was perfectly healthy, just stressed. Apparently, the new couch upset him. He's since pissed on it four times. The couch cost $2,400. The cat was free.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYour story can be funnier, angrier, more ridiculous, or disturbingly specific. Just remember that longer stories may print in smaller text.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTHE FINAL VERDICT\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEvery review includes a one-star rating and the inevitable conclusion:  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNOT ELIGIBLE FOR PROMOTION.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHOW TO PERSONALIZE\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003col data-spread=\"false\" start=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSelect your shirt size.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eClick \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAdd personalized design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUpload your cat's photo, enter their name, five documented offenses, and additional comments.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eReview your design carefully, save it, and add the shirt to your cart.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePlease check your spelling and personalization details before ordering. Your submitted design will be used for printing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWE DON'T LIKE CATS. CATS DON'T CARE.  WE'LL HELP THEM ANYWAYS.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey're arrogant, ungrateful, occasionally violent, and somehow convinced they own the place.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUnfortunately, we also have a heart.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWe don't have to like cats to believe every animal deserves to be safe, fed, and cared for. Even these little assholes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThat's why we commit 10% of every purchase to helping cats in need.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWe don't like cats. Cats don't care. 10% helps them anyway.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":67671395664117,"sku":"21663640835202161048","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":67671395729653,"sku":"12297413922018181538","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":67671395795189,"sku":"19357157666315668962","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":67671395860725,"sku":"68661986039443438473","price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":67671395926261,"sku":"29911453221318571806","price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":67671395991797,"sku":"13674470312678542255","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0761\/9438\/2069\/files\/7035895861551451756_2048.jpg?v=1792266554"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0761\/9438\/2069\/collections\/bmp-collection-preview.jpg?v=1792355307","url":"https:\/\/anticatsociety.com\/collections\/bmp-collection.oembed","provider":"Anti-Cat Society","version":"1.0","type":"link"}